I will admit it, if you know me, I was the biggest Kanye apologist for the longest time. He put out an album where he said to his wife "today I thought about killing you", and she stayed with him, and so did I. He put on the album cover "Being bipolar sucks. It's awesome." I ate it up. I heard him say that "Bipolar is my superpower", and that gave me a reason to keep going with him. I didn't hold him accountable for bad things because we shared a diagnosis.
I said, "Kanye doesn't take meds because it would stifle him creatively" because I found bipolar meds to make me constantly drowsy and a non functioning person. I let him off the hook as far as I was concerned. He put out my favorite track ever, Ghost Town. He had another artist who has dealt with mental issues, Kid Cudi, sing, "I've been trying to make you love me, but everything I try just takes you further from me." Kanye signs melodically after about how he's always doing the wrong thing. I said it was beautiful. Kid Cudi and Kanye put out Kids See Ghosts and Reborn made me feel like I could get better. It was a hopeful album.
Kanye said some things last year about Kid Cudi and that artist said he would never work with Kanye again. I couldn't understand why. From my bipolar experience, I've "been off the meds and been called insane" in the past. I know what its like to cut people out of your life and to have people cut you out. Cudi said, "I'm so reborn, keep moving forward", and he knew what to do. Bipolar people can't always use that as an excuse for everything. It's an easy one and sometimes you don't know what is happening, but at some point you need to take yourself accountable.
He supported Trump, I wrote it off. He got divorced and got mad. I wrote it off. I feel ashamed of myself because I didn't stop supporting until now. The music doesn't matter. The inspiration doesn't matter. I've spent years trying to balance getting myself better and keeping myself inspired. I've been trying to work on my photography and my meds and my life. When the meds aren't working, I work to change them, but I'm always trying. Kanye made a conscious decision to stop trying to get better and to just become a bad person. This all makes me feel stupid for defending that behavior.
Next post will be about photography. Just needed to get this out there to everyone I've ever argued with about Bipolar Disorder.
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